I live my life through people around me. it is not like fish living in water. i have defined my life not in my own terms, but in the eyes of those who watched me for parts of my life. so whenever i was puzzled about my own self, I searched it through hearts and minds of people of my connection.
am i not bounded to them?
But then were days when I felt that why I am not defining myself in my own terms. I crashed whatever web of relations and unspoken bonds I had around myself. and then, in my search for myself, I netted one new web, more complex and fragile than what was before. Am I not bounded even then?
I never feel that there will be any meaning or any joy which I get living for just myself. I tried such patterns and in the end realized that such eccentric life is not my way. I have my preferences, I like people of my own kind. I avoid those who are not in resonance. but still, I never live just for me, just through me.
bind is not about molding decisions for someone else. but then what is the use if one says something in the flow of conversation and then easily runs away from what he has said. either words should be chosen so carefully that they won't land you anywhere forcefully or you should back up what you have said with whatever you can. former way is very useful, but I never find it much attractive. i know people who are logically, politically correct in whatever they say. but I have always sensed some dark corners in their life. they are balanced, stern and fit in whatever they are doing, but somehow they always prefer saving their skin. they can not be part of anything because their own sense of freedom keeps them away from participation. they are somewhere hanging and saying this is the best balance one can get. not my way, however rational it is.
Still I love such freedom, fly like a bird who thinks sky is just it's. But at the same time, I see this freedom turning into cowardice, turning into shell around themselves and then becoming corrupt into extremities.
it is this double-edged sword. I feel this pain deep inside, when I read this , "Neither of us were bounded to each other". Yes, my friend. we were not bounded, and we won't be.
But I will get bounded, may be with lesser and lesser expectations. I will collect wounds, scars and pains. they are colors of my picture of life. Joy has it's root among strange sorrows. Mine is same. I see this flow, I see people passing through me, changing myself, changing themselves. what stays are memories, and they too fade.
some words remain carved in the memory, like pictures in caves. you watch them in some moment, tears gather to your eyes and then you laugh at life.
We are not even bounded to life, yet we live as if we are.....
am i not bounded to them?
But then were days when I felt that why I am not defining myself in my own terms. I crashed whatever web of relations and unspoken bonds I had around myself. and then, in my search for myself, I netted one new web, more complex and fragile than what was before. Am I not bounded even then?
I never feel that there will be any meaning or any joy which I get living for just myself. I tried such patterns and in the end realized that such eccentric life is not my way. I have my preferences, I like people of my own kind. I avoid those who are not in resonance. but still, I never live just for me, just through me.
bind is not about molding decisions for someone else. but then what is the use if one says something in the flow of conversation and then easily runs away from what he has said. either words should be chosen so carefully that they won't land you anywhere forcefully or you should back up what you have said with whatever you can. former way is very useful, but I never find it much attractive. i know people who are logically, politically correct in whatever they say. but I have always sensed some dark corners in their life. they are balanced, stern and fit in whatever they are doing, but somehow they always prefer saving their skin. they can not be part of anything because their own sense of freedom keeps them away from participation. they are somewhere hanging and saying this is the best balance one can get. not my way, however rational it is.
Still I love such freedom, fly like a bird who thinks sky is just it's. But at the same time, I see this freedom turning into cowardice, turning into shell around themselves and then becoming corrupt into extremities.
it is this double-edged sword. I feel this pain deep inside, when I read this , "Neither of us were bounded to each other". Yes, my friend. we were not bounded, and we won't be.
But I will get bounded, may be with lesser and lesser expectations. I will collect wounds, scars and pains. they are colors of my picture of life. Joy has it's root among strange sorrows. Mine is same. I see this flow, I see people passing through me, changing myself, changing themselves. what stays are memories, and they too fade.
some words remain carved in the memory, like pictures in caves. you watch them in some moment, tears gather to your eyes and then you laugh at life.
We are not even bounded to life, yet we live as if we are.....
Comments
well, we are not bound by superficial promises galore, we are not bound by duties/obligations, and still we are bound if we yearn to be bound!! It is something unsigned, unwritten. It is the elation to hold on to what is not on the surface.
Why get bound if it curtails freedom, why get bound when it is just a compulsion, why get bound when you are bound to fade away and loose your essence. Is it not an agony to get bound and measure yourself just because you have enforced it on yourself for whatever reason.
And why not get bound if it liberates you and you ascertain yourself and the the “other”. It is exaltation---this bound. And you establish “yes we are bound and yet we are free”.
Now does this sound so selfish?
It soothes when you see adulation in the eyes of the one you “just so intimately bound”….it is like fuel running the engine, it is like a call “RUN dear, there are miles to travel”.
Living through oneself is not about cutting all cords of connection from people around the “divine “self. It is about subsisting. And I don’t believe this to be narcissism. It is not blind love for self!! What is self? Living through oneself is this experimentation. And if the individual succeeds in defining and discovering this self (even to a measurable finite) he holds the chisel to carve things, and most importantly shape relations (connections) with the “self” as stone. And when the chisel drills, strikes, hits the stone; it experiences the pain, sorrow and yet it is ecstatic because it knows that the binding the relation is going to bring forth will transform the stone into a stunning creation of admiration …….
Search people and then search yourself …and why not search yourself and then search associations? Relations are phases of journey, they too cruelly demand reason, they demand your “self”. And when you don’t live through your self how can you gift your “self” to the one to whom you are “so lovingly bound”?