Encounters with Reality

pale sky and stale sun, mark these days when frustration fills air. chaos is what i smell around and i see, humans disappearing fast from this city of manipulation. foul theories, crack philosophies, cowards rule fort and hypocrites preach religion of tolerances. i feel, i should walk on the road, and seek if there remains few who can yet sing, laugh, cry and live on their own wish. celebrated deaths of modernized media but in my ears, songs of distant deaths echoed. deaths of those who are unknown to this city deaths of those who unlucky not to be dead by bullet. 'homo sepians' around me worry for fears that are certain uncertainties of life and they try to live prescribed by those who are just simulating themselves. i am leaving my friend, this search of hypothesis it is mirage for me. i will walk away, and may you remember, some poems used to live in this city....

this started from bomb and firing news. it is not knew for this city, but every time i feel that some reaction is due for this terrorist activities and bla bla... but why do I think that these terrorist activities are 'bad' or 'not desirable'? is it because I am patriotic? is it because I am concerned about human beings dying in these activities? i think any of these reasons is not strong enough to justify reaction. but then there is no justification for terrorism too. it is easy to see that nation, society, family, community, cast are artificial identities. but somehow, since these identities are forced on group of human beings for so many years, they form a cushion over real identity of being oneself. rules of society are designed in a manner that one has to deal with these identities. so one can easily get in the illusion of these identities having some fundamental meaning. but some thought can easily take to the end of seeing these identities nothing but c

So far, so good! I am yet in great dilemma to decide which is going to be force that will design my path? i feel some thirst for knowledge, but I can't enjoy labeling some churning of data, or putting one's own perspective on some uncertain event and terming it as understanding. but even true knowledge is searched, it is gained, what if one realizes that it is going to be impotent? what if one realizes that all piles of knowledge about particular subject are not going to make difference of smallest scale to one who actually undergoes the even about which knowledge is concerned? this troubles, this hurts and more than it, it makes me to think am I doing what? a impact less search of knowledge or am I executing chain of actions to whom I haven't given any minute of analysis. It is very easy to say that knowledge and action should be combined. but there is one very crucial point which is encountered by all those who try to make this fusion. as one seeks knowledge, he reali

it is not the first time that I am getting troubled by one old question. so I should put question clearly and then try to understand what it is really for me and then if I feel so deep urge to encounter it, then I should seek answer or solution. what place other person holds in one's life? is is not the case that one should be opportunistic and selfish in making any decision? I don't think about this question in impersonal manner. i don't do it for any question which troubles me. decisions I take are connected with what honesty I have with my questions. there are times when I feel that having such questions is curse and I try to run away. but somehow I come back to original stage of constantly thinking over some deep dilemmas. the question makes sense when one decides way of living. if i am defining my life by my own instincts and desires and passions, then why should I care what it has to do with other people. but on conscious re-examination of previous sentence,

Silence is broken, IO find myself moment by moment, getting filled by caoes from world. silence is broken, Scattered pieces of my coherence fly away and I repent for lost sands of time. Life runs away, walks out, crawls but I find myself trapped in cage of my own interpretations. My path, blocked by shadows of unknown future and my retreat, stopped by actions that built my past. I remain, prisoner of time, I remain, traveller of ever encroaching space. Silence is broken, but meaning is lost too. Slowly melts the peace, life sinks into the sea of boredom...

in "Illusion' Richard Bach says something about boredom. he says it is not so easy to win boredom. it is true. the boredom becomes a grand vacuum which keeps sucking everything in you in it and then you start expressing both vacuum inwards and outwards. even what i speak or listen or think get the color of boredom and music of life is lost. it is lost not in any din or any disharmony, but it is lost in strange silence. i have not yet come over of boredom, but somehow i have created a place, may be crawling from it, from where I can watch at it. the world can be viewed with your own eyes or you can borrow some successful eyes to look at it. similarly either you can view yourself or you can view yourself from other people's eyes and try to make yourself so clean, so tidy, so neat that their eyes will admire you. fuck it... i am starting to view myself as I am. somehow I am loosing sense of a world around me as it is nothing but only my feeling of it. is it really

there is a battle between emotions and rationality. i face it very frequently. and it is root cause of almost all confused decisions. i hardly miss people, but when i miss someone, my rational mind tells me that i never actually experience that person, but it is something in me which is coherent with that person's presence has given me feeling of interaction with that person. but my emotions say, every bit of that person's presence contributes to the interaction and since that person is absent, there is no possibility of interaction, even if it is totally inside me. duality is reality. why i always feel that reality should i have an unique interpretation. no need for such! why i think that I can always fit my experience in logical framework? Godel says in his famous first theorem of incompleteness (statement made simpler) that a system can be complete or consistent. i feel a connection with interpretations of reality. understanding of reality can either be complete or consis