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Knowledge and Existence

Everything seems uncertain and ambiguous. I might be using two words for the same flux form I see around. But precision of words is not my thrust; I am trying to be precise about meaning of environment around me. is it environment around me, consisting of past, present and future of people, is itself ambiguous or it is my nature reflected on environment? I feel the effect is in space and time around me. The age of absurdity, the age of uncertainty, the age of disintegration of values is taking its toll on me. Let me explain all these three phases, one by one. They are not mine, but now I feel them exactly as their originator would have thought.
Meaning has been discussed too much. With growth of media, both in reach and depth, it was expected that human expression will find new avenues, it will find new patterns, and it will find new expressions. But the ease of reaching out made urge of expressions shallow and shallow. The honesty of artist becomes debatable, when it seems that instead of watching world around him or her with curiosity, artist had just become a supplier of easy entertainment. I agree that even artist is made up of forces existent in his time and spaces. Art is exhibition of interplay or battle or confluence of artist’s personal forces and forces that he is experiencing in his or her social space. But are arts of today are true reflection of above mentioned argument? And, if one agrees that they are then it is absurdity that is present on both ends, inside the artist and in greater world around. Everybody is not dumb. And, everybody doesn’t get expression of life automatically. Before this age, artists, who were lucky to have this expression in themselves, directed or inspired minds of those who tried to find meaning of life. Why I do not see such attempts today? And, if this absence is not due to dishonesty of artists, but due to time itself, then I have to accept that meaning has been lost completely and absurdity is what surrounds me. it is not very easy truth. Absurdity may be entertaining for short interval. But life needs some serious stuff, constant and deep.
When I think of an artist in myself, I don’t see that conclusion of absurdity is the only one left. Gone were the days when almost every art form portrayed a battle between good and bad, in one or other way. This is time when artist have to think about good and bad contained in one single fabric of time and space. With greater information, it has been impossible to state anything good or bad completely. And, when heroes and villains are not easy to obtain, most of the artists prefer nostalgia or dreamy battles in future, based on abundant supply of heroes and villains. Even for a common man, values are changing rapidly and stress of getting used to these rapid changes is either taking them to foul belief in spirituality or foul acceptance of absurdity. When soldier fights, a feeling of crusades is essential. If such a feeling is absent, soldier can not distinguish himself from professional killer. And, with availability greater and greater information about human behaviors, talk of any value seems nothing but a rhetoric or medium of achieving self-interest. Assumption of values provided cushion of meaning. If self-interest is the only force driving every human activity, value is nothing but balloon of words and meaning is nothing but mirage.
When science accepting probability as true expression of nature, art forms are talking about complete freedom of person and everyday activity is becoming more and more dependent on global forces, it is difficult to be certain. Those who seem to be certain are either lucky, or they have closed their eyes with a fear that they might loose their faith.
It is basically about good and bad. The past seems nicer to me because answers to these basic questions were stronger, even though they were wrong. Now, with complete freedom of thoughts, I do not see ant good or bad absolutely. If I see myself as free, everybody else is also free. That makes every act as pursuit of self interest arising out of freedom. And, I am unable to make any assumptions of good or bad about myself. I believed that there will be something absolute and with more and more cracks in this belief, life is becoming unbearable.
Knowledge makes life better than mere level of existence. But, this fact tells me that knowledge can not be replacement of existence, it is mean to exist. That makes survival more absolute than knowledge. But, here I see a great puzzle and may be misery.
With exceptional gift of knowledge and cruel fact that knowledge is slave of existence, I see myself perplexed at this grand design.

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