Encounters with Reality

I live my life through people around me. it is not like fish living in water. i have defined my life not in my own terms, but in the eyes of those who watched me for parts of my life. so whenever i was puzzled about my own self, I searched it through hearts and minds of people of my connection. am i not bounded to them? But then were days when I felt that why I am not defining myself in my own terms. I crashed whatever web of relations and unspoken bonds I had around myself. and then, in my search for myself, I netted one new web, more complex and fragile than what was before. Am I not bounded even then? I never feel that there will be any meaning or any joy which I get living for just myself. I tried such patterns and in the end realized that such eccentric life is not my way. I have my preferences, I like people of my own kind. I avoid those who are not in resonance. but still, I never live just for me, just through me. bind is not about molding decisions for someone els...

when you sleep with your back to cold, pleasant earth and your eyes fixed somewhere among the stars, you know that either you are feeling happy without any bound or you are out of yourself. still you sleep like that. because you want to be so unknown to you, that even you won't be able to identify yourself. such un-identity is difficult. and that's why one sleeps under the stary sky with cool wind around and memories, imaginations storming in the head and some unknown pressure mounting on you, trying to crash you down. but then why you sleep watching stars? one can sleep putting his head under the pillow. one can get drunk or one can let loose oneself with someone dear. no! one doesn't do these things when one doesn't even know what is it. there is nothing to tell, nothing to hide, nothing to repent and even nothing to ask for. what is it! may be it is space and time around yourself which is not yours. and, hence one has to look into stars. they are there. some are ...

he was astonished to see what he has to walk in next few days. though he had enough harsh life before, he felt this might be last and first task which he wouldn't be able to complete. he waited, not under any shade because there was nothing. he tried to see as long as he can. some mirages flashed in front of his eyes, but till wherever he sees, it was endless desert. he has map, he has food, he knows where he can get water. still one dark, deep and dull feeling of hopelessness filled him. he closed his eyes, heard his deep breath until he heard something different than wind blowing and his breaths. he saw another traveler. he or she? it was she. she was waring blue clothes, right from her head to toes. only life which was revealed was her eyes, fathomless. she asked, "should we start walking?" he responded with a brief grim and somehow started walking. they were walking for last many days. they walk together, eat together, sit at each others side. talk about what life ...

The whole reason to keep myself wake up through out the night is friend going to home for week long holidays. It started with foul try to have few hours sleep in the account. Desire to talk as much as I can before friend leaves and similar condition at other end scattered all plans to sleep on time and wake up early. So it was long talk, some irrational silences and then brief walks. Soon both realized that words and phrases, proverbs and quotes are not going to fill up vacuum of life. But, somehow, conversation ended on some optimistic note and ended with ‘to be continued’.. Then within hour I, my friend and one other friend took auto to reach domestic airport. It is 4.15 A.M. rickshaw driver was ready and quick as he has realized potential night charge augmented large fair. So in 20 minutes, we reached airport. I was first time at airport. And thoughts occurring in my mind were of socialist shade. I felt all those illuminated structures, well planned buildings as some unnecessa...

Now, they all are lying at roadside for midday nap. This afternoon is not so pleasant. But there life hasn’t remained so soft to have acute sense of pleasure or pain. Remaining stones which they have to smash to earn daily wage are lying beside them. Vehicles are running with high speed on newly made road. It seems they have just finished their lunch in the shade of one compound wall. Washed utensils which they had used for lunch are near their heads. They are trying to have some rest. What I see are their dark, thin bodies lying at the side of harsh concrete road. But they haven’t slept yet. Middle ages women among them are conversing. Their low volume suggests it is something personal, yet has to be revealed to friend. A14-15 year girl is sleeping between these two. Her eyes are heavy with sleep, but still she is trying to catch the thread of conversation from those adult women. Trapped between transitions of her age, she can’t leave puerile desire of sleep, and she can’t give ...

Sometimes you diverge from predefined path. You have in mind consequences of such divergence. But what turns out of that change of decision is something you had wished to experience, but remained unaccomplished. So it is about morning, it is about realization of a poem which is part of hidden corners of heart and it is rare concurrence with sense of beauty. I had planned to get down at dadar. I had sufficient amount of baggage with me to keep me worrying throughout the time I was in local train. The crowd at the door of local training, waiting with practiced eagerness to get down at dadar, confirmed my fear. I could have easily got down with crowd, but then shapes and sizes of food items I had would have became drastically different from what they used to be. So I did some tome management calculations in mind, estimated the risk of being caught by ticket checker at station and decided to get down at next station. And with some surprise, after 10 minutes of this decision, I found m...

i woke up in the morning and soon realize that my dream is missing... i search around, and i found traces of its sudden but certain disappearance. i cry, then i think, i console myself, that no loss is ultimate. the whole day, my eyes tried, but in vain, friends, my dream disappeared. i heard my steps singing a song, i read poems walking beside me. i talked even with breeze and i shared my secrets even with street-lamps. dream assured me, that whatever i will do it will be beautiful. dream itself told me that it will fade one day, but it whispered in my ears when i cried at though of its departure, " when separation is certain, you can live every moment. if dream lives forever who will chase it". i was assured with words and now, dream has lost and my ears still hears it. i am not so hurt by the loss, dreams i have lost before. i am hurt because its been long before i had dream. and, now i fear i will not permit any dream in future. dreams compel to live, and living com...